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3 Tips to Better Sex

Summary: A tutorial on how to enhance your whoopee-making. Station: WTAE Channel 4 Reporter/Sex Adviser: Andrew Stockey When it Aired: April 26 Running Time: 3 minutes, 40 seconds Visuals: * A music-video montage of men and women working out with gym equipment. * A graphic titled, "Exercise and Sex." Highlights: * When reserved anchor Mike Clark toots the Channel 4 horn: "Since we began showing the promos, people have been talking about this. It was even the topic of a talk-radio station this morning." Now that's the big time, baby. * When Stockey waxes sappy during a elevator-music clip that shows a couple frolicking on the beach: "Marriage. A union built on trust, passion and desire. It takes work to make a marriage successful, and sometimes sex gets lost in the shuffle." * When the segment shifts to Stockey sitting on a sofa, where he makes this very personal offer: "But what if I told you I could put the spark back in your sex life?" * As some bump-and-grind music plays, Stockey gives us the intimate details: "Exercise. Time in the gym can make a big difference in the bedroom." * When Stockey introduces us to a couple who are following his three-step plan, and the male partner in a marriage of 15 years offers this pearl: "Yeah, I love my wife and um, I don't have a problem, it's just ah, I think when you meet somebody and it's your soul mate, as my wife is, that's um, I just always love her ..." * When Stockey reveals step one: "Stamina." * When a fitness instructor says, "Cardiovascular exercising will increase your circulation. And that is basically gonna enhance just your experience together." * When a male fitness instructor leads the couple in a workout, "A lotta cardio. Good cardio. So when you're havin' that special moment you're not gonna get tired." * When Stockey continues, "Step two: core strength." The fitness director adds, "[Developing it] will help fine-tune your pelvis muscles, which will increase your stamina, and we'll just leave our imagination at that." Hell, you've gone this far, why stop now? * When the female instructs her students to "squeeze the ball as tight as you can, and then release." * When Stockey discloses the final part of his unholy trinity, "Step three: flexibility. * When Stockey asks, as he stands outside a bedroom, which we can only hope is empty, "But did it make a difference where it really counts -- in the bedroom? Well, some things are better kept behind closed doors." Like this godawful story? What We Learned: Your best tip for great sex might be to turn off the local TV news! Unanswered Question: Have you no shame, Andrew Stockey? News Value: 0. This story was just one big tease. Now all we need are Kelly Frey and Stockey taking sex-therapy classes together.

Saving Fluffy

Summary: New emergency equipment may save your beloved domesticated animal. Station: WTAE Channel 4 Reporter: Gus Rosendale When it Aired: April 27 Running Time: 3 minutes, 23 seconds Visuals: * An illustration of a bowl of dog food with the phrase, "Vulnerable Pets." * A photo of "Max," a puffy little white dog who perished in a fire. Highlights: * When anchor Wendy Bell observes, "You know, house fires make the news almost every day." Gee, I wonder why that is? * When Rosendale reflects, "In every fire, there is a hero's story. Firefighters, putting their lives on the line to save a stranger, a home, and often, firefighters routinely rescue another type of family member: our pets." * When he introduces us to Buttons, who was recently saved from a house fire, and says, "[W]hen it comes to saving a pet from a fire, experts say there is one key ingredient, [fresh oxygen]." * When a Greensburg firefighter explains that getting oxygen to a pet is not easy if they must use masks designed for people. * As melodramatic piano music plays, Rosendale muses, "[This woman] knows the pain of losing a pet. Her dog, Max, died in an accident last year. ... Since then, [the woman], who works as a physical therapist ... spends a lot of her time raising money to help out the local fire departments with ... oxygen masks designed especially for animals. They're relatively cheap -- only about $60 for a set of three. And they come in sizes for pets both big and small. For people who may be called upon to save them, it can be a godsend." * At the end of the segment, when Rosendale is seated at the news anchor's desk, and Bell interrupts, "You know, I have to ask: Does the animal mind? I mean, it seems to be very difficult to get an animal's face in that." * When Rosendale responds, "They're usually kind of out of it. And as they get the oxygen, they start to spaz out a little bit." What We Learned: The same thing happens to anchors when they don't know when to shut up. Unanswered Question: Why doesn't Bell just interview Buttons and ask him what he thinks? News Value: 6. I could do without the "fire drama" file footage and the melodramatic music, but this doesn't seem as outlandish as some other ideas I've seen for pets, and it provided some good information for animal lovers.

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