November is the time to pay homage not only to the literal turkey, but to figurative ones as well. Like their real-life counterparts, figurative turkeys on local TV news are plentiful during the "sweeps" month of November ... and they come complete with all the stuffing. So here's your chance to test your TV-turkey knowledge: Can you match some of last week's hype to the content of the story being promo'ed?
Teaser: "The wild sight, inside a local office" (WPXI)
a) Exclusive footage showing employees actually performing work-related tasks instead of posting on their personal blogs
b) True confessions from female executives who take off their bras during board meetings when they hear electric-guitar-driven music
c) A deer crashing through a window at a local bank after seeing his reflection in the glass of the bank -- but leaving without any doe.
Teaser: "Whatever you do, answer the door if KDKA is knocking."
a) A public-service reminder that it makes reporters look really stupid when they knock on your door to do an interview and you don't answer
b) A story about a decline in the use of doorbells in favor of old-fashioned knockers
c) A promotion for a gimmick to get you to tune in to KDKA so it can beat out WPXI and WTAE in the ratings.
Teaser: "First they looked, and then they held. And then they stole!" (WTAE)
a) A sensitive attempt to understand why senior citizens pocket salt and pepper shakers from Eat'n Park
b) A closer look at the strategy of Steelers opponents this year
c) An account of a "puppy-napping" incident in a Florida pet store.
Teaser: "A kid stopping his parents from making a dangerous decision" (WPXI)
a) A teen-age boy tries to talk his parents out of camping outside an L.A. discount store to purchase a PlayStation 3
b) A teen-age boy tries to prevent his parents from watching Channel 11 News
c) A 10-year-old boy refuses to let his drunk parents drive him, and now both parents are facing charges.
Teaser: "Raw, real and straight from the streets of Pittsburgh" (KDKA)
a) A reporter rides around town with a city garbage crew
b) Footage shows the growing problem in Market Square caused by pigeon droppings
c) KDKA finds an excuse for Sonni Abatta to don a bulletproof vest and spend a night with the "Street Response Units."
Teaser: "A sickening side effect in local hospitals" (WPXI)
a) Graphic footage of what happens when people get their bill
b) An investigative report about hospital food
c) A national study that reveals thousands of patients leave with hospital-acquired infections.
Teaser: "Doing the crime, but not the time. It is happening right here in Pittsburgh." (WTAE)
a) An up-close-and-personal look at the 2006-07 Steelers
b) A study of how wealthy local property owners get away with property-assessment murder
c) An investigation into how an emerging backup trend in the Allegheny County court system can lead to the "guilty" going free.
Teaser: "Doggy Danger" (WPXI)
a) A profile of the shortage of expensive pet furniture and accessories that could cause stress for both you and Fido
b) A medical report about a sensitive subject that relates to a certain sexual position
c) A bizarre disease in dogs in which their stomachs swell, possibly leading to death if not treated quickly.
Teaser: "A ban on purses? Find out who's trying to keep women from carrying pocketbooks." (KDKA)
a) An exposé profiling anonymous husbands trying to keep their wives' holiday spending down
b) A national orthopedic society urges women to lose the purse in favor of a wallet to prevent curvature of the spine
c) A Minnesota high school principal tries to ban purses for "safety" reasons.
Teaser: "Sermons for sale" (WTAE)
a) A profile about a group of entrepreneurial pastors who sell sermons to theology students, guaranteeing them at least a B
b) A "news you can use" report about a Web site for parents when they run out of things to say to their children to make them feel guilty
c) An account concerning a Web site called DesperatePreacher.com makes sermons available for a fee for religious leaders who have trouble coming up with good ideas or are short on time.
Just in case you weren't sure, the correct answer for each multiple choice is "c."
