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The Girl Next Door

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This raunchy teen comedy from Luke Greenfield is like all those erectile dysfunction ads on TV: I'd just rather not know, thank you very much. And after decades of lame teen sex-romp films, do we really need another look into the febrile minds of the Hollywood yahoos who unspool these endless loops of their juvenile sexual fantasies? To wit: Nerdy nice guy (Emile Hirsch) discovers equally nice girl-next-door (Elisha Cuthbert), who -- man, this is exciting -- turns out to be a porn star! Talk about boner city. No, it gets better: a porn star who needs a high school senior with a squeaky voice and an unironic appreciation of John F. Kennedy to save her from the icky world of sex films (see, dudes love porn, but it should be somebody else's girl getting shafted under the lights). A porn star who will be soooo appreciative, dawg, that she'll do you! Get it both ways: porn star and good girl! Flat acting, tired set-ups (nerds vs. jocks), stupid jokes (it's still funny to mispronounce Asian names?), plastic titties, a phony message about self-empowerment for the boys, and some very real, very unpleasant messages about women functioning strictly as objects of male sexual currency. 1 camera

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