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The Best Tuna Salad (on a Salad)

Think of this tuna salad like it is the first Tinder message you send to a prospective date

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PHOTO COURTESY OF KELLY ANDREWS
  • Photo courtesy of Kelly Andrews

I have few claims to fame, but I’m pretty sure my tuna salad is one of the best in the tri-state area. And if you eat it on a bed of lettuce or on tomato slices, you can cut out some serious carbs, and at least sort of justify skipping the gym yet again. 

Think of this tuna salad like it is the first Tinder message you send to a prospective date. If you move too fast, you’re not going to enjoy it as much as if you take your time and let things marinate. You don’t want your tuna salad to end up like this:

You to Tinder date (a.k.a. Tuna Salad): Hi, you look great. I could eat you up.

Tuna Salad: Whoa! Hi. Just like, chill for a second.

You: Lol, sorry. I haven’t been with someone like you in a long time.

Tinder Tuna: Listen, I need some time to figure things out.

You: What? Why? What did I do wrong?

Tuna Salad Tinder Date: I don’t think you’re my type.

Ingredients:

  • 1 packet/can of tuna in water, drained
  •  hard-boiled egg (whites only, cut into small pieces)
  • 1 slice of white onion, finely chopped
  • 1½ tbsp. mayo
  • 1 baby carrot, finely shredded
  • pinch of pepper

Instructions:

Mix all ingredients in a bowl and let it chill in the fridge for at least 20 minutes. Feel free to kill the time as you please, but personifying my food as a possible date can really go a long way in terms of entertainment. Once you’re ready to move things along (or swipe left, as it goes in Tinderland), I suggest making a small mountain of the tuna on a bunch of greens. Then, throw some chopped tomatoes on there, along with croutons and some pepperoncini peppers to add a little heat, then dressing it with olive oil and a red-wine vinegar. You might be destined to eat this dish alone, but that’s OK — this recipe serves only one.

Kelly Andrews is a poet who plans to stick around Pittsburgh indefinitely. You can find more sad, healthy (and funny) meals on her blog sadhealthymeals.wordpress.com.


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