I like to swear
And swearing should be as natural as breathing.
Normal as shaking a fist to heaven.
Not like saying son of a bitch but more like spitting out
Dusty old balls dragger
Bell's Palsy kisser
One eye monkey beater
Paper bag full of Shinola
Chrome dome stuck where the sun doesn't shine
Wet pants of a coward
Wart on a witch's ass
Boil on the milk nipple
Turd on a wedding cake
Bunions on the sore feet of a four in the morning streetwalker
Baboon sore blue butt
Bowl of liver and turnips
Pension of the ass wipe of the king
Hung by the nuts from a tall oak tree
Young blue balls stuck to a block of dry ice
Club foot up the tight ass of opportunity
Stuttering with a mouth full of monkey poop
Nose picker in school
Bicycle seat licker of a virgin
Taking a steaming dump over a cold bear trap
Sinner locked outside of a church
Defense attorney caught trying to tell the truth
Wet jockstraps in a loser's locker room
Toilet in the bus terminal
Camel toe kisser
Enema bag squeezer
Dushie dude in a pink suit
Double crease shiny silk pants liar
Politician on rusty roller skates
Telling on a nun
Finger up the prostate
Fist up where it doesn't belong
Game of hamster hide and seek
Saggy tits of an old bull ...
And soap in my dirty filthy mouth if I don't say
Hot twaty of a tweety scorned.
Now I realize this is nothing like
Stopping in the Woods on a Snowy Evening
Or How Do I Love Thee Let Me Count The Ways ...
But you got to realize I've pulled stinkers out of the Ohio River
And cut the rope of the hanged.
Thank you very much.