Savage Love | Savage Love | Pittsburgh | Pittsburgh City Paper

Views » Savage Love

Savage Love

“Hosting a sex party doesn’t give someone the right to insert himself into someone else’s scene.”

by

comment

I like watersports, and I heard about a guy in a rural area who holds piss parties in his backyard. I found a mailing list for those interested in piss play, and it wasn’t long before he posted about one of these parties. The host has very simple rules for who can attend: You have to identify as a guy and wear masculine attire. I get to the party, and there were about four guys and the host. I had a good time. I’ve been back a couple times. Everyone is friendly enough and there’s the right amount of perversion. So what’s the problem? The host. He’s loud and annoying. He insists on putting classical music. He tells the same lame jokes every time he’s pissing on someone. He will complain that people say they’re coming and don’t show. If you are having a moment with someone, he will invariably horn in on the action. Without being rude, I’ve tried to make it clear that we are not looking for company, but he doesn’t take the hint. It’s his party, and props to him for hosting it — but it takes the fun out of it when the host doesn’t know when to back off. I’ve gotten to the point where it’s not worth the effort to go. Do I just get over it, or say something privately?

Person Exasperates Enthusiast

The advice I gave a different reader about dealing with a guest horning in on the action at an orgy applies in your case: “Even kind and decent people can be terrible about taking hints — especially when doing so means getting cut out of a drunken fuckfest. So don’t hint, tell. There’s no rule of etiquette that can paper over the discomfort and awkwardness of that moment, so you’ll just have to power through it.”

Swap out “drunken fuckfest” for “drenchin’ piss scene,” and the advice works — up to a point, PEE, because the person in your case who needs telling, not hinting, isn’t one of the guests, he’s the host. But your host’s behavior sounds genuinely annoying. Hosting a sex party doesn’t give someone the right to insert himself into someone else’s scene, and stupid jokes have the power to kill the mood and murder the boners.

So why not make your own piss party? You don’t need a big backyard — I mean, presumably your place has a tub. Supplement your tub with a couple of kiddie pools on top of some plastic tarp laid down on the living room or basement floor. Ask your guests to keep it in the tub, pool, or on the tarp. You get to choose the guys, you get to select the music, and, as host, you can lay down the law about making jokes and horning in on the action: both are forbidden, and joke-telling horner-inners will be asked to pull up their pants and leave.

Event Details City Paper and AIDS Free Pittsburgh proudly present Savage Love Live

I’m a cis woman and recently came out as a lesbian after identifying as bisexual for three years. After having sexual encounters with men and women, I finally admitted to myself that I am gay. Now that I’m finally out, I don’t want to do anything that would make me feel like denying it again. My question is, am I a bad lesbian if I sleep with a guy? A male friend I know and trust recently propositioned me. At first, I said no, but now I’m rethinking it. Sex with men doesn’t compare at all to sex with women for me. On a scale of 1 to 10, it’s definitely in the below 5 range. I worry that doing this would call my sexuality into question. I feel like I’d definitely have to hide this from my friends. And if I feel guilty enough to hide it, maybe I shouldn’t do it? Finally identifying as a lesbian was like breathing out for me. I feel way more like myself and am way happier now. But I worry that even being willing to consider this makes me seem bi.

Girl Asking You

I’ve often been accused of having a pro-dick-sitting bias, GAY, so I decided to recuse myself and pass your question on to a couple of lesbians.

“She is way too concerned with labels,” said Lesbian No. 1. “I used to slip on a dick once every few years — before I quit drinking tequila — and that didn’t make me any less of a raging, homo-romantic dyke. And if her friends give that much of a fuck about who she bones, she needs friends with more interesting hobbies.”

“I don’t think there is anything wrong with her or any lesbian wanting to sleep with a guy,” said Lesbian No. 2. “I wouldn’t sleep with a guy, but I do agree that women trying to casually hook up with other women is much more difficult than men with men or even men with women. Women instantly want to be your long-term partner after one hookup — the U-Haul jokes are fucking real. But if identifying as something is important to her, I think identifying as queer might be a better option for now rather than struggling to figure out if she is only bi or only lesbian and only those forever.”

On the Lovecast, porn by women, for women? Yes, please: savagelovecast.com.

Send your questions to mail@savagelove.net and find the Savage Lovecast (Dan's weekly podcast) at savagelovecast.com

Latest in Savage Love

Add a comment