I'm the bisexual everyone loves to hate because I want to be in a poly relationship with both a man and a woman. I am a woman who is into commitment, loyalty, love, trust and honesty. I am not looking to cheat on anyone. But I discovered after one failed marriage to a man and one long-term relationship with a woman that I want to be in a romantic, sexually committed relationship with a man and a woman at the same time. This could possibly involve three-way sex, but probably not. It is more about sharing my life intimately with both a man and a woman. Unfortunately, I don't know if I will ever find that perfect balance because so far all my potential serious partners have been turned off by the idea that I want to be with two people and believed that I should "get over it" and just be in a monogamous relationship with them — straight or gay. Should I keep searching?
Love Them Both
You are not the bisexual everyone loves to hate, LTB. You're the bisexual everyone is looking for. Tons of MF couples are out there desperately hunting for "unicorns," a.k.a. bisexual women who are open to dating couples. Bisexual women open to three-way sex in the context of a committed poly triad are in particularly high demand. Anyone who reads my column knows this, LTB, and presumably you're a reader. So either you have lousy retention skills or you're pretending not to know how in demand you are because — consciously or subconsciously — complaining about evil monosexuals and boring monogamists is more appealing to you than actually finding what you want.
You'll have a better chance of finding what you want if you're open about your wants and if you refrain from dating people who don't want the same things. Seek out those couples looking for unicorns, seek out poly-identified singles and be up-front about your wants with anyone who seeks you out. Don't date people who don't want what you want and you're likelier to wind up in relationships with people who want what you want — or, more likely, you'll wind up in relationships with people whose wants are different but come close enough to yours that you can hammer out a workable compromise.
Because there is no settling down without settling for, LTB, and that applies to bisexual and monosexuals, monogamists and polyamorists. Good luck.
I'm a 31-year-old white gay man. I've never been in a relationship. I've had some extremely shady events in my sexual history, including but not limited to meth use, group sex, using my body to get drugs from disgusting older men, etc. Now I live with my parents, go to school part-time and have no money because I don't work. Am I datable? I fear if I don't start to try dating for real that I'll continue to repeat my previous shady behaviors. Which I did last night, wherein I sucked five cocks and smoked a truckload of meth, although it was the first time I smoked in a year.
Gay Lost Cause
Would you date you?
I realize that's harsh, GLC, but someone who can handle a truckload of meth in one night — to say nothing of five cocks — should be able to handle a little bluntness.
If you wouldn't date someone in the condition you're currently in, GLC, then it's highly unlikely that anyone else would. No one is perfect, of course, and no one who wants to be partnered seeks perfection. But you do need to have your shit together to attract someone who has their shit together.
Your goal should be to make yourself datable in two years' time. Focus on school, look for work, save your money and stay the fuck away from meth and the men who use it. Turn yourself into someone you'd be open to dating — not a perfect person, but a person in good working order — and then you'll be datable.
Is it weird to find cochlear implants (a device for people with profound hearing loss that looks like a plastic circle implanted in their skull) attractive on twentysomething guys? I don't know if it's because I work in a field related to audiology or because it makes them look kind of vulnerable but cool at the same time. I saw two guys in a row this week with them, and I was like, "Damn. Is this weird?" If not, how do I pick these boys up?
Love Implant Boys
It is weird, LIB, but that shouldn't stop you. And you pick those boys up the same way you pick up boys who don't have cochlear implants: You smile at them, you talk to them, you flirt with them. If you establish that the attraction is mutual, you hang out, you make out, you fuck 'em silly. You don't necessarily have to disclose that their cochlear implants were what initially drew your eye, LIB, but be sure to tell them that that isn't the only thing you find attractive about them if you do disclose.
I'm writing about the premature-ejaculation guy in last week's column who wanted tricks for guys who are uncut and too sensitive. I'm uncut and the head of my cock was really sensitive, but my problem wasn't premature ejaculation. As a young man, the head of my penis was so sensitive that sexual contact with anything other than my own hand was unpleasant. I decided to desensitize my dick. I started by keeping my foreskin retracted in the shower. At first, even water running over it was extremely uncomfortable. Then once that made enough progress, I started keeping my foreskin retracted inside my underwear for as long as I could stand it each day. Eventually things improved to the point that sexual contact with someone else was no longer the challenge it had been. This was a gradual process. But I got to do it at my own pace and stopped once the sensitivity level was working for me.
Happy To Have A Hoodie
Thanks for sharing, HTHAH.
This week on the Lovecast, the perils of vibrator addiction: savagelovecast.com.