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The world is full of men who are turned on by wearing panties or a little lingerie

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I am a hetero female, but one of my biggest fantasies is for a guy to dress up in women's underwear. Not full-blown drag, just a teddy, fishnets and some heels. He doesn't have to act like a woman: I just want him to parade around a bit. I've had the ovaries to bring this up only twice. My first boyfriend was game, but I was so insecure with my sexuality at the time that I let it go. My second boyfriend found it degrading and wouldn't do it. I think two things are holding me back: (1) I've never even heard of this fantasy, and that makes me feel like a creep. Is there a name for it? (2) I know the first time I will giggle with joy and I'm afraid my hypothetical future boyfriend will think I'm laughing at him.

Lingerie Without A Man

1. There isn't a name for this fantasy, so let's come up with one. How about "Frank-N-Furter-Ing," for Dr. Frank-N-Furter, a noted scientist who enjoyed dressing straight boys up in fishnets, teddies and heels.

Your fantasy probably lacks a name because it isn't that odd. And it makes you more sexually and romantically marketable than you seem to realize. The world is full of men who aren't gay, aren't into full-blown crossdressing, but who are turned on by wearing panties or a little lingerie. Post a few explicit personal ads on online dating sites — kinkster and normster — and you'll be flooded with responses.

2. It is permissible to giggle during sex. If you're worried that your partner might think you're laughing at him, qualify your giggles in advance. Explain that you might get a little giddy during his performance. Emphasize that your giggles are evidence of arousal. Then prove it by fucking the shit out of him.

3. Have you checked out www.xdress.com? Think of it as your own personal porn stash before you find a boyfriend, and your favorite online shopping destination after.

I am a heterosexual female. My husband hates condoms. I went on the pill four years ago. Since then, I've been through eight different versions of the pill. My current one gives me a two-week period, I have gained about 25 pounds in two months, and I am more moody. I am sick of this! I think my husband should suck it up and wear a condom.

He is completely resistant. Ironically, while the pill protects me from pregnancy, we're having less sex due to the weight gain and other side effects. My doctor does not think other options for birth control (e.g., an intrauterine device) will be a good fit. Should I continue on the pill or tell my husband that if he wants sex, he has to share responsibility in avoiding pregnancy?

Tired Of Pills

Shared responsibility.

You can keep having sex without pills, condoms or pregnancies. There's oral (his-and-hers), anal (ditto) and mutual masturbation (underrated). But if he wants vaginal intercourse, he'll have to get used to condoms. Some women can't take hormonal birth control, and your husband is married to one.

I was watching a porno featuring a hot gay threesome. Two tops double-penetrated a bottom, and the tops shared a single condom! I'm wondering how safe this might be.

Dubious In Phoenix


It was safe for the bottom — provided that overtaxed condom didn't burst (here's hoping they were using a more spacious, more durable female condom). But it wasn't safe for the tops. Jamming two dicks into a single condom could result in dick-to-dick transmission of a number of sexually transmitted infections — herpes, HPV, syphilis, etc.

I am a straight woman. I recently started seeing a man. The first time I slept with him, he told me he was interested in a relationship, and I told him I wanted to keep things casual. Over the next month-and-a-half of talking to him, hanging out and having sex, I started to really like him. I was thinking about taking the relationship to the next level.

But a week ago we had sex, and then he mentioned he had met someone else. As he was beginning to elaborate, I told him to leave.

My anger comes from his timing. If he had told me this before we had sex, I would have been able to have a constructive conversation. The problem now is that I really like him and I don't want to stop seeing him. Do I reach out to him again? Did I overreact?

Left In The Lurch

I can understand why you were upset. You had already taken things to the "next level" in your heart — you just hadn't gotten around to informing him. And you assumed that, when you got around to letting him know, he would be delighted.

Unfortunately, he took you at your word when you said you weren't interested in a relationship. Keeping things "purely casual" with you meant he was free to pursue a relationship with someone else.

I can't help but wonder what he was about to say when you told him to get out. He met someone else, which wasn't a violation of your rules. Did that mean things were over between you two (which would make the timing of the last fuck an insult)? Or was he willing to pass on this other girl if you were ready for a relationship (which would make tossing him out before he could elaborate a mistake)? You probably should've heard him out.

Go ahead and reach out. Let him know that you were thinking about taking things to the next level (ughers to that phrase). But since he was doing what you asked — keeping it casual — you can't fault him for keeping his options open. Or for failing to read your mind.

Close by telling him that you'd be open to dating — a real, non-casual relationship — if things don't work out with this other girl.

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

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