My sexy GGG husband and I fuck a "good friend" semiregularly. We started out wearing condoms, but our good friend isn't banging anyone else, so we've moved to condom-free sex. A month ago, we had a hot threesome. Our good friend fucked me, but came on my tits. My husband fucked me, too -- that night, the day before, the day after. Now I'm pregnant. I'm 99 percent sure that it's my husband's, but a tiny part of me worries. What are the chances that it's my sexy friend's child without him coming inside me? And with all the semen left in me by my husband? Could our partner's pre-come get me pregnant? Please tell me it's probably my husband's!
Pregnant In Threesome
It's probably your husband's, but …
Pre-come can contain "viable, pregnancy-inducing sperm," says Dr. Joel Maurer, assistant professor in OB/GYN and dean of admissions for the Michigan State University College of Human Medicine. "Most [studies have found] that it contains very little, if any, sperm," he says, but the possible presence of those viable sperm cells means it could be your good friend's child.
It's also why many regard "pulling out" as an ineffective birth-control method.
"For every 100 women who use withdrawal correctly, four will become pregnant -- this number jumps to 27 if not used correctly," says Dr. Maurer. (For every 100 women who use condoms correctly, two will become pregnant, 18 if they're using condoms incorrectly, which is why some argue that withdrawal is nearly as effective as condoms.)
Pre-come is produced by the Cowper's gland and some other gland whose name I can never remember, while sperm cells are produced in the nuts. Sperm doesn't get mixed up in the seminal fluid -- produced by the prostate and a couple of other glands whose names escape me -- until the guy starts to ejaculate. So if your good friend didn't have an orgasm shortly before he fucked you and he didn't come inside you and there were no stray swimmers in his pre-come, odds are slim that the baby is his.
"A paternity test after delivery of the child is the safest advice I can give," says Dr. Maurer. "An amniocentesis can make this ‘diagnosis' before delivery, but the procedure comes with a small risk of pregnancy loss. … [M]ost doctors would consider it unethical to perform amniocentesis for the sole purpose of paternity testing."
To other nonmonogamous straight couples out there: Using condoms with others is important, if your other is a dude, to prevent paternity scares. And you should be using condoms with your other, male or female, regardless of assurances that your other isn't banging anyone else. Unless your other lives in a cage -- very hot, not very practical -- you have no way of knowing that your other doesn't have other others.
After an impromptu sex session, my partner texted someone! The fury that arose within me could not be contained! The text itself wasn't the issue (it was to a coworker about a work matter). The issue was that she couldn't wait a few minutes to hug and kiss and say "that was hot" before sending a text?!? She thinks I'm overreacting and has not apologized. Isn't post-sex texting tacky?
Wasn't That Fucked?
Post-sex texting is tacky, WTF. I can understand why you were annoyed. I can also understand why your girlfriend has refused to apologize. If one ill-timed text unleashed a "fury that could not be contained" -- if you raged at her for being uncharacteristically inconsiderate -- then yours was the greater offense.
Your girlfriend owes you an apology. But you owe her a bigger one, and yours should come first.
I'm a submissive gay man. All anal sex guides stress that when done right, anal sex should cause no pain. But what if I want pain? My boyfriend and I have proceeded from having lots of anal foreplay to lube-it-up-and-stick-it-in. I love it, and once it stops hurting, I have amazing orgasms. So does he. There's a definite line between the arousing kind of pain and too much pain. But that line has moved closer to more intense pain, and I'm worried about injury. Then again, we're not sticking bigger objects up my ass, just the same object with less foreplay. Is this risky?
Boy Used To Taking
It depends, BUTT.
You can enjoy lube-it-up-and-stick-it-in anal without incurring too great a risk of injury so long as your boyfriend isn't shoving his entire dick up your ass in one thrust. If he's pushing his dick in you gradually, giving your butt a chance to relax and adjust, then you'll probably be OK. (Probably is the word of the day.)
That said, while it's fine to enjoy a little pain during sex -- or "sensation play," as the kinksters call it -- making your asshole the focus of erotic pain isn't a sensational idea. Anal fissures and tears take forever to heal and even a small one can put your ass out of commission for months. A big one can put your ass out of commission for years.
There are plenty of ways your boyfriend can make you hurt without brutalizing your hole. He can slap your ass, pull your hair, crank up the juice on an e-stim unit. You've got nerve endings all over your body. If your boyfriend can walk and chew gum at the same time, he can work some of those other nerves while he works your hole.
I'm a gay man in my 20s. While I love reading your advice for red-state kinksters, straight married folks and lesbians with hymens, can we get a column or two addressing problems facing gay men in their 20s? Something for gay boys at that stage of life between "it gets better" and "it gets domestic"?
Feeling Left Out
Happy to. Hit me with some Qs, gay boys, and I'll dedicate a couple of columns to your issues and tissues.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.