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If it makes you uncomfortable to read what your daughter is reading online, stop reading it.

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I'm a straight man married to a bisexual lady, which is something I would recommend to all other straight men.

My wife has a much higher sex drive than I do, and she's also into kink, as a domme. My fantasies are vanilla, but I'm GGG. The problem is that she doesn't initiate. She's tied me up and spanked me a handful of times, and it was fine.

Could I have done something wrong? She says it takes a lot of energy to top, but we've done plenty of other high-energy activities. How do we get past this?

Beaten Up Not Nearly Enough

 

The issue can be summed up in three little words: "It was fine." For you, it was fine. Not great, not mind-blowing, not something you can't live without. It was fine.

Some people into BDSM are content just to be indulged by their vanilla partners. But there's a huge difference between tying up and spanking someone who's into it, and tying up and spanking someone who is doing it for you, and for GGG chits. If your wife has experienced the rush of dominating a simpatico submissive -- the thrill of finding someone's limits and pushing them, the charge that comes from knowing you're making someone's deepest, darkest fantasies a reality -- then being indulged by her loving husband, who is willing to endure the odd spanking to maintain his GGG bona fides, isn't going to cut it.

 

 

I'm a 50-year-old gay guy and I've always found anal to be painful. After trying it about six times over the past 30-plus years, I gave up. Recently I met a great guy who would like to try it, and though I love the body contact, the sweaty, panting excitement, and the idea of being penetrated, I've resisted. Are some guys not capable of standing the pain? The guys I've screwed over the years have enjoyed it. Any suggestions?

Gentleman Asking You, Anal Sex Sage

 

Buttsex: Some folks just can't take it, GAYASS. But you can have all the sweat, pants and excitement of anal without the penetration. Just grease up his dick, grease up your inner thighs, clamp your thighs around his dick, and let him pound away. Extra credit: Reach down between your legs and cup your greasy hands together on the opposite side so that his dick, once it pokes through your thighs, still feels as though it's "inside" something.

 

My daughter is 14, and she's been searching on the Internet for "sneezing fetish" information. She reads stories about sneezing (some with sex in them!) and watches YouTube videos of people sneezing every day! She might be curious if she heard the term "sneezing fetish" from someone, but no normal person would search about it on the Internet every day! How can anyone associate sneezing with sex? It makes me uncomfortable reading this stuff! Is this normal? I am so worried!

Worried Mom

 

Kinky people aren't assigned their kinks during freshman orientation at university, and no one has ever contracted a fetish -- like a cold? -- just because someone uttered the name of it aloud. (And no fetishist has ever been cured by Mom freaking out.) People tend to become aware of their kinks, and start scouring the web in search of information, right around puberty. Which means your daughter is a perfectly normal, perfectly kinky kid.

Like lots of young kinksters, she may be consumed by her kink now; she's just realized that she's not alone, and she's busily viewing everything she can about it. Sooner or later she'll relax about it, and relax into it, and one day she'll have a very nice boyfriend -- or girlfriend -- who loves her enough to indulge her harmless kink. Or better still, she'll meet someone online she clicks with who also shares her kink.

In the meantime, if it makes you uncomfortable to read what your daughter is reading online, stop reading it.

 

I'm a 19-year-old heterosexual female. When I get a boyfriend, I get so nervous that I get physically sick. It makes dating very stressful: I have to think about not throwing up when I just want to enjoy his company. I feel particularly sick when things start to heat up with a boy. Now I try to stay out of relationships because I don't think anyone will want to deal with this problem. How can I help condition my way out of it?

Nervous In Candlelight

 

See a shrink -- and a pot dealer/medical-marijuana provider.

 

I've been married to my amazing husband for 11 years. I'm straight and love being with two men at once and he's bi, so that makes for crazy-hot-fun times. We have all the kids we want, so he's had a vasectomy. I don't want to end up pregnant by one of our thirds, so we're taking every precaution. But if we're performing oral on our third and he comes in my husband's mouth and then my husband goes down on me, could I get pregnant via oral transfer?

Baby Shop Is Closed

 

There's a famous case of a 15-year-old girl who was born without a vagina -- but with everything else -- who managed to get pregnant via oral sex. Well, via oral sex and a knife fight and a life-threatening wound that allowed the spermatozoa to swim into her uterus. This is not an urban legend: The story appeared in a 1988 issue of the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology and bounced around the blogs for a few weeks last winter after a blogger at Discover unearthed it.

The moral of the story: Never say never. But provided your husband swallows and doesn't gargle, and provided there isn't any semen dribbling down his chin, I'd put your chances of getting pregnant at pretty darn close to zero. (And you do know that vasectomies have a 1-in-2,000 failure rate, right?)

 

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

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