I'm a 41-year-old, very attractive woman. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. When we first met, the sex was absolutely incredible. After we got married, the sex was good, not great. This was because we were busy raising our children. After the girls went off to college, things went back to absolutely incredible.
One night, I confessed that I've fantasized about being with a younger man. He told me he'd be fine with me living out that fantasy if I would have a MFF threesome with him. I agreed, and we had the threesome with a friend of mine.
Here's my question: How do I go about finding a gorgeous, college-age man? I thought about posting an ad on Craigslist, but you've said that most people on Craigslist are flakes and picture-collectors. Do you have better suggestions? I'm in the Pacific Northwest. I'm a complete newbie, so I'd appreciate a rundown of the usual safety advice when meeting a stranger for sex.
Mrs. Robinson Seeks Benjamin
P.S. Here is my e-mail address in case any of your gorgeous, male, college-age readers in the Pacific Northwest are interested: [e-mail deleted].
I don't print the e-mail addresses of readers looking for hookups, as I am a professional advice columnist, thankyouverymuch, not a yentapimp. (It also gives my lawyer fits. "What if you print this woman's e-mail address and she meets a nice young man who turns out to be Ted Bundy?" says my lawyer, who is old enough to remember Ted Bundy -- and Mrs. Robinson -- but somehow not too old to lawyer.)
But otherwise I approve of everything you and your husband are doing. You got through the lean years with decent-if-uninspired sex; you didn't become bitter about that; you got back to indecent-and-inspired sex once the kids headed to college (which you were able to do because you didn't let yourselves get bitter); and -- most importantly -- you're helping each other realize your fantasies.
So how do you find the right young man? Trawl the net, and get your husband to help. (You asked your friend to have that three-way, right? Your husband can place a few "hotwife" ads.) Yes, there are fakers and flakes on Craigslist, but there are some real boys to be had; there's also FetLife.com and AshleyMadison.com and a million other hookup sites. Cast a wide net.
Once you've found a potential Benjamin: Make sure you know his real name, meet in public, discuss safety (condoms) and sexual health (tested recently?), and be sure to let him know that someone else -- someone heavily armed -- knows where you are and who you're with and when you're supposed to be back.
If you don't get a good feeling when you meet in person -- if he seems dodgy, if his pics lied, if he gives off a rape-y/serial-killer-y/lawyer-y-fit-vindicating vibe -- don't go through with it.
P.S. Oh, what the hell: MRSB's e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org. Have at her, Benjamins.
I'm a 24-year-old straight male. For the past six months, I've been dating an amazing GGG girl. The other night, after a week of no sex, I came on to her. She turned me down and said that she was OK with me masturbating on the other side of the bed so she could sleep. After an unsatisfying orgasm, I told her I understood her need to sleep, since we had an early engagement the next morning, but that this was difficult for me. She said we'd have great sex the next day, which we did.
Which one of us needs to be GGG in this scenario, should it happen again?
Fucking Early Engagement Botches Lovely Evening
A week is a long time to go without at your age, I realize, but it sounds like the girlfriend more than made it up to you the next day. As for who needs to be GGG in this scenario, should it happen again (and it will) ...
GGG requires you to stop whining about having to wait 24 whole hours for awesome sex, FEEBLE. GGG also requires her -- if she isn't completely exhausted -- to come through with a loving assist when you're desperate and she's not feeling it, i.e., lie with you, talk dirty to you, stick a finger up your butt -- whatever -- for the 5 or 10 minutes it takes you to drain your sack.
I'm writing to ask you to spread the word about an issue close to my heart. I am a 23-year-old woman without medical insurance who relies on Planned Parenthood. They have provided me with birth control, Pap smears I can afford, and emotional support that helped me get over an abusive relationship and sexual assault.
The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill last week that would cut all federal funding for Planned Parenthood. This isn't just an attack on American women. Planned Parenthood educates the entire community about sexual health and sexually transmitted infections. I plan to write to my senators about this, and I am encouraging everyone I know to do so. What I ask is that you mention this in your column as soon as possible.
My Body, My Choice
We used to have a feature at Savage Love called "Straight Rights Watch." It lapsed when the Democrats took the House in 2006 and political attacks on the sexual freedoms of straight people decreased. But the GOP is back in charge of the House and state houses across the country, and attacks on the sexual freedoms of heterosexuals -- attempts to ban abortion, restrict access to birth control, destroy Planned Parenthood (which doesn't just serve straight people), even make it legal to kill abortion providers (!!!) -- are back. And so, sadly, is Straight Rights Watch.
Heterosexuals? Your legislators need to hear from you now. And there's an easy way to make your voice heard: Go to www.istandwithplannedparenthood.org and add your name to an open letter to Congress, then swing over to www.plannedparenthood.org, click "donate," and give what you can.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.