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I was listening to the radio yesterday, and I heard an interview with you about your It Gets Better campaign. I was saddened by your comments regarding people of faith and their perpetuation of bullying. 

As someone who loves the Lord and does not support gay marriage, I can honestly say I was heartbroken to hear about the young man who took his own life. If your message is that we should not judge people based on their sexual preference, how do you justify judging groups of people for any other reason (including their faith)? 

To imply that I would encourage my children to mock, hurt or intimidate another person for any reason is offensive. Being a follower of Christ is, above all things, a recognition that we are all imperfect. We cannot believe that we are more worthy than other people.

Please be more careful with your words in the future.

L.R.

 

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt by my comments.

No, wait. I'm not. Gay kids are dying. So let's keep things in perspective: Fuck your feelings.

A question: Do you "support" atheist marriage? Interfaith marriage? Divorce and remarriage? All go against Christian and/or traditional ideas about marriage, and yet there's no "Christian" movement to deny marriage rights in those cases.

Why the hell not?

So long as you support the denial of marriage rights to same-sex couples, it's clear that you do believe that some people are "more worthy" than others.

And -- sorry -- but you are partly responsible for the bullying and violence being visited on vulnerable LGBT children. The kids of people who see gay people as sinful or damaged and unworthy of full civil equality -- even if those people express their bigotry in the politest possible way -- have children who learn to see gay people as sinful, damaged and unworthy. And while there may not be any gay adults or couples where you live, I promise you that there are gay and lesbian children in your schools. And while you can attack gays and lesbians only at the ballot box, nice and impersonally, your children have the option of attacking real gays and lesbians in person.

Gay and lesbian children. Not political abstractions, not "sinners." Gay and lesbian children.

The dehumanizing bigotries that fall from the lips of "faithful Christians," and the lies about us that are vomited from the pulpits of churches, give your children license to verbally abuse the gay children they encounter. And many of your children -- having listened to Mom and Dad talk about how gay marriage is a threat to family and makes their magic sky-friend Jesus cry -- feel justified in physically abusing the LGBT children they encounter. You don't have to explicitly "encourage [your] children to mock, hurt or intimidate" queer kids. Your encouragement -- along with your hatred and fear -- is implicit. It's here, it's clear and we're seeing the fruits of it: dead children.

Oh, and those same dehumanizing bigotries that fill straight children with hate? They fill gay children with suicidal despair. And you have the nerve to ask me to be more careful with my words?

Did that hurt to hear? Good. But it couldn't have hurt as much as what was said and done to Asher Brown and Justin Aaberg and Billy Lucas and Cody Barker and Seth Walsh -- day-in, day-out, for years -- at schools filled with bigoted little monsters created not in the image of a loving God, but in the image of the hateful and false "followers of Christ" they call Mom and Dad.

 

I am engaged to a man whose sexual orientation is somewhat confusing. A few months ago, I discovered transgender porn on his computer. When I asked him about it, he said he just watches all kinds of porn "just to watch it." That was proved to be total bullshit when I discovered that he watches ONLY this type of porn. I also discovered a letter he composed a few years back to another man asking him to "hook up," stating that my fiancé had had a one-night stand with another guy and wanted to do it again. The letter also states that my fiancé had a girlfriend, and since "discretion is very important," he could only hook up when she was out of town.

I can deal with somebody being bisexual. I have bisexual fantasies myself. However, I can't deal with someone lying and being unfaithful. Sadly, I can't really make this guy confess that he is bi. When I tried, he simply told me, "You are so blind." 

I really don't want to dump the guy. I love him. My question is, what the fuck do I do? I feel like crazy bitch supreme trying to get this out of him.

Bitchy Girlfriend

 

There's nothing to be confused about: Your fiancé is clearly bisexual. Gay men aren't into chicks-with-dicks porn; that's a genre that appeals exclusively to straight/straightish/bi male viewers.

So why can he be open about his cocksuckery with a complete stranger -- that dude he sent the letter that you "discovered" -- but not with you?

It's a tired cliché, but in this case the shoe fits: Your fiancé has a bad case of the internalized homophobias. He finds it easier to be open with someone he is unlikely to see ever again precisely because he doesn't care about that person. If you or the other people he's close to knew, he fears you would see him as damaged or inferior, because that's how he sees himself.

So, yep, a bad case of the internalized homophobias. He's not entirely responsible for contracting this malady -- our homophobic culture is the disease vector. But he is responsible for working through it, for being truthful with himself and the people he claims to love. If he can't be honest about his sexual orientation, and if being cheated on is a deal-breaker for you (and he will cheat on you), don't marry him.

 

I'm a loud fucker, just like the partner of the woman who wrote in recently. With my consent, my partner uses a pillow to dampen my screams, so I don't have to piss off the neighbors.

Lesbians Do Scream

 

It's all fun and games -- loud fun, ear-splitting games -- until someone accidentally asphyxiates a screamer. But thanks for sharing, LDS.

 

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) at thestranger.com/savage.

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