I'm a mostly gay male with a boyfriend who is also mostly gay. We are into BDSM -- we are both tops and sometimes play with other sub men. I say we are "mostly" gay because we do like to fuck/top submissive women once in a while. We haven't done this a lot, and never together because we don't have the same taste in women -- until recently. One of our new neighbors, a straight female, is very shy, but she's opened up to us about her interest in BDSM. We took her to a play party, and she was OK watching others, but any time anyone expressed an interest in her, she clammed up and withdrew.
We are interested in propositioning her. Our dilemma is in how to approach someone so gun-shy. We want to seduce her and not make her uncomfortable, and we think she has been so open with us because she assumes we are both 100 percent gay.
Two Guys And A Girl Toy
She meets two guys who live together, have presumably noisy BDSM sex with each other and other men, and identify themselves as gay. I'm sure you can appreciate why your neighbor might assume you two were gay, right? And that assumption convinced her it was safe to open up to you about her sexual interests -- interests that are clearly scaring the shit out of her -- because she further assumed, entirely reasonably, that you guys didn't wanna stick your dicks in her.
The sooner you come clean, the likelier you are to get into her pants, mouth, ass, twat, etc. Do not attempt to be seductive. Putting the moves on her now could transform a minor, and perhaps unwitting, violation of her trust into a relationship-ending violation. Instead, just be, um, straight with her: "We should've said something sooner, but we're both actually bi, and we thought you should know. And we also wanted you to know that we're both attracted to you and if you want to explore any of this stuff that you're curious about, we'd be up for that. If not, we're happy to keep being your kinky, gay-identified, completely platonic buddies."
I read with interest the letter from the guy who hacked his ex-girlfriend's e-mail and discovered that she had been cheating on him. I am in a similar situation. I am a single, thirtysomething female who has been having a long-term affair with a married man. We have one rule: We tell one another if we fool around with other people. About a year ago, I discovered another affair he was involved in while he was out of the country, which he failed to disclose. I discovered it because he left his e-mail unattended. He was not apologetic, and I ended up being the one who begged for forgiveness for invading his privacy. He did, however, promise to end his relationship with the woman. I recently discovered that he has struck up a fresh correspondence with this same woman. I gained this knowledge by outright hacking his e-mail, but he also betrayed me.
You are probably wondering why I am not just cutting this guy out of my life. We have amazing sex and enjoy the same kinks. But how can I trust anything he says anymore? He broke our rules. Do you think I am out of line in confronting him?
Mistress Is Pissed
According to the "Mistress, whining about being cheated on" listing in the Association of American Advice Columnists' Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Staggeringly Self-Serving Bullshit, I'm supposed to slap the shit out of you. The DSM instructs me to respond to letters like yours with something like this: "Your lover is cheating on his wife with you, and you're shocked to learn that he's cheating on you, too?" That strikes me as a little harsh. So I'll go with this instead: You can't expect a guy to take your rules more seriously than he takes his vows.
As for confronting him: The last time you confronted him, you wound up begging for his forgiveness. So let's accept reality: Unless you're willing to walk away from the amazing sex, he's going to go on cheating on you and lying about it. Sneaking around, getting away with it, deceiving you and his wife and his other other-women -- all of that gives him a feeling of power and control, and those feelings are as important to him as the orgasms. Accept it or get out.
I need support under my scrotum in order to ejaculate. I am 52 years old, and this condition has gotten worse as I have gotten older. When I am having intercourse, I need a position that supports or raises my scrotum, and when I masturbate, I need to put something under it. Is this OK? Is there a solution to make coming during intercourse easier?
This Old Scrote
Before I touch on your sack, I'd like to briefly -- very briefly -- touch on George Rekers'.
Rekers is a towering figure in the religious right. He's the cofounder of the Family Research Council; a member of the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, a group that claims it can cure homosexuality; and the go-to guy for "expert" testimony about how gay people endanger children. And last week, Rekers got busted coming back from a European vacation with a 20-year-old male escort he found on Rentboy.com. Rekers told two reporters from the Miami New Times that he "can't lift luggage," so what choice did he have but to hire a 20-year-old with an 8-inch cock?
To mark the downfall of yet another hypocritical closet case, I propose that "whatever floats your boat" be retired in favor of "whatever lifts your luggage." This will be George "Rentboy" Rekers' legacy, his lexi-colonic gift to the English language. Help spread the meme.
Back to you, TOS: First, talk about this with a doc -- get your sack examined and your prostate checked. If there's nothing medically wrong, rest assured there's nothing wrong. Some guys have large, loose sacks and sensitive balls, and the slap, slap, slap of intercourse or masturbation can be uncomfortable, and lifting your luggage spares you the slap, slap, slap. Alternately, your dick, balls, sack and taint compose one big erogenous zone. Lifting your luggage may provide you with a bit of added stimulation that helps put you over the top, and naturally you rely on that zap more at 52 than you did at 32. So instead of viewing your need for a ball-lift as a problem that needs solving, why not view ball support as the solution to a problem. Or to put it another way...
Whatever lifts your luggage, whatever lifts your luggage.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.