It's not that the events in this dramedy sort of based on the youth of overly bronzed actor George Hamilton couldn't have really happened; it's just that not one moment depicted on screen feels authentic. All the dreamy vintage gowns and chrome-tipped Cadillacs can't lift Richard Loncraine's film above the overly broad, syrupy Very Special Hallmark Event category. After his bandleader father (Kevin Bacon) takes yet another mistress, teen-age George (Logan Lerman) and his brother hit the open road with their aggrieved mama, Anne (Renee Zellweger). Ideally, a new (and wealthy) "daddy" can be snagged among the inexplicable number of former suitors Anne has strung across the land. But marrying men prove scarce and resources dwindle. The trio is forced to live among the working class in Pittsburgh's South Side (gasp), then bunk down at a Missouri farm -- before finally lighting out for the Promised Land in Southern California. Having an absent father, an utterly self-absorbed mother, and an adolescence spent drifting from town to town is miserable; we should feel some of the tears and anger through the dashed-off quips and endlessly cheery sets. But alas, this whole affair is as glib as any of Mr. Hamilton's talk-show patter. Starts Fri., Sept. 11.