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HOUSE OF WAX

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Attractive college students get trapped in a town with a pair of twisted brothers and a bunch of dead people covered in wax. Even as a throwaway horror flick, Jaume Collet-Serra's not-quite-a-remake suffers from multiple sins including tedious pacing, a Swiss-cheese plot that tries to be serious, a crew of mostly no-name actors and a handful of grisly attacks and deaths (admittedly, such gore might be a plus for some fans). Only the omnipresent Paris Hilton seems to get that the whole set-up should be treated a big joke, and her winking performance -- as amateur as it is -- at least has some spark. There's certainly no melancholic broken heart here, like that which gave Vincent Price's mad wax-man such sympathetic intensity in 1953's House of Wax. In this update I couldn't wait for everybody -- villain or victim -- to just die already, so we could get to the inevitable -- and surprisingly quite good -- wax-museum-on-fire scene.

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