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Baywatch

Beyond hot people in small swimsuits, there aren’t many reasons to see this comedy

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Did we need a comic re-boot of the already silly lifeguards-solve-crimes TV show Baywatch? No, but here we are, thanks to director Seth Gordon, who tries to steer this flopping fish of a comedy ashore. It’s technically summer at the megaplex, so let’s examine whether you should spend your vacation cash on this.

Seven Reasons to See Baywatch


  1. Everybody is very fit.

  2. The bathing suits are tiny.

  3. The ladies have big boobs.

  4. The men also have big chests.

  5. There is slow-motion boob-bouncing.

  6. Zac Efron’s abs have abs.

  7. “There’s more to the job than just swimming.” (See Reasons 1-6.)

Seven Reasons Not to See Baywatch


  1. The action is relocated to Florida, which just doesn’t have the same great seaside scenery as California. It looks like a mall with sand outside.

  2. The film can’t pick a lane between winking parody, action comedy and cut-and-paste crime story.

  3. It’s about 15 minutes worth of material stretched out to two hours.

  4. Comedian Hannibal Buress is wasted in a small unfunny role.

  5.  It offers more male-based wish-fulfillment, where the shlubby guy effortlessly scores the hot chick.

  6. Ohmigod, stop with the gay-panic jokes! Note to Baywatch: If you’re so uncomfortable with male sexuality, maybe, for starters, don’t make a movie starring two barely dressed hot guys.

  7. Getting bumped up to an R rating means more witless profanity and some comic male nudity. If there was a union for show-biz testicles, it would be filing for overtime pay.



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