1. Either A or D are acceptable answers. And suffice it to say you won't want to take on the city's tow pound on an empty stomach.
2. True. The 54C connects to 71 different Port Authority bus and trolley routes.
3. Match the South Side bar to its gimmick:
4. True. Each column was hewn from a single piece of limestone and weighs more than 60 tons. The average sperm whale weighs around 40 tons.
5. "Jesus, why do all these damn hipsters keep coming here?"
6. B. This somewhat hazardous intersection is known as Doughboy Square. As if to prove that Pittsburghers will argue about anything, when it was formally dedicated in 1921, protesters turned out to object to it. Some were peace activists who didn't want to glorify combat; others were just upset that a public restroom had been bulldozed to make way for it.
7. D. At least, we're told it's self-cleaning; truthfully, we're a little afraid to go in there. Let us know how it works out for you.
8. The "lantern slide" was an early form of motion-picture projector. This, and similar early camera equipment, are on display at Photo Antiquities on the city's North Side, at 531 E. Ohio St.
9. Match the faux pas to the circumstance:
1-D. At the Park House, it is good form to grab a basket of peanuts from the back, and sweep the discarded shells to the floor.
2-E. The 54C does not go Downtown. How many times do we have to tell you?
3-B. The classic Primanti sandwich sticks the fries directly inside the sandwich itself. Asking for a different preparation will subject you to mockery.
4-A. A former porn palace recently purchased by the city, the Garden Theater is being overhauled to be a community performance and gathering space. From here on in, you'll have to get your porn over the Internet, as God intended.
5-C. Piper's Pub, a British Isles-themed bar and restaurant, has become a gathering place for soccer fans who watch European games on satellite TV.
10. False. Bon Air is real, though it was first established as a real-estate developer's dream. In the late 19th century, the "Bon Air Land Company" promised homes in the "prettiest, cleanest, healthiest place about Pittsburgh" ... a lofty pledge in the days of Big Steel. We assume that it really is a paradise; anytime someone goes there, we never hear from them again.
11. This clock originally advertised the products of the Duquesne Brewery, which were made in the buildings attached to it. Since then, the clock has also been sponsored by Iron City Beer, WTAE Channel 4 and Stroh's.
12. C. Yes, it's true: Michael Chabon worked for a time at Jay's Bookstall, an independent bookseller still surviving in the Amazon.com jungle. Chabon's story should inspire all those liberal-arts majors who walk past Jay's every day: If we work very very hard, and practice our craft night and day ... someday we have a good chance of working in retail as well.
13. The Children's Museum, on the North Side. While there, be sure to check out the great reliefs on the adjacent Buhl Planetarium building.
14. A. More than two dozen people were killed in the strike, which pitted state troops from Philadelphia against locals angry at the railroads' harsh labor practices. It was one of the first strikes to have national impact, with similar disruptions reported in Chicago and elsewhere.
15. The culture of Poland is celebrated at the Bloomfield Bridge Tavern with memorabilia, the awesome gut-filling "Polish Platter" of starchy delights, and drum-and-bass night every Wednesday.
16. True -- if he were willing to walk a bit. Warhol grew up at 3252 Dawson St. in South Oakland. The 54C's northern terminus at Allegheny Center, meanwhile, is within a few blocks of The Andy Warhol Museum, at 117 Sandusky St.
17. D. The Big Idea is an easily overlooked bookstore staffed by volunteers. The emphasis is on leftist politics, including feminism, environmental activism, queer theory and other topics capable of keeping the College Republicans at bay.
18. True: While the 54C never goes beyond the city's outermost boundary, the route connects to Mount Oliver, a separate borough that, like the hole in a donut, is surrounded by Pittsburgh.
19. C. We can't say if this is what their parents had in mind when they paid the tuition, but Hkan is popular, and often features live hip hop -- which other area venues have been slow to embrace.
20. You're too late. The Garden Theater stopped showing porn earlier this year.
21. B. From the bus window you can see that Big Momma's is deep in Steelers country ... and that to be anything other than a fan of the Black and Gold could cost you not just some of the best BBQ in town, but your very soul.
22. St. Michael's Cemetery sits at the top of 18th Street on the South Side Slopes. A perfect place to take a quiet walk; see the neighborhoods of Oakland, Hill District, Downtown and the South Side Flats from a fresh perspective; and mark the lives of the men and women who were no less a part of Pittsburgh's past than all the guys they named buildings and roads after.
23. C. Paul's is a must-visit: If they don't have it, they can order it. Also while in Bloomfield, check out the two Italian groceries (Donatelli's and Groceria Italiana); comfy walking soles at Best-Made Shoes; and all the religious gee-gaws you'll ever need to pass Statistics at the Sacred Heart of Jesus shop.
As for record collectors, other pilgrimages must be made -- but not on the 54C -- to Jerry's Records, 2136 Murray Ave., in Squirrel Hill, and The Attic, in Millvale (513 Grant Ave.). Dave's Music Mine (1210 E. Carson St.) is also highly regarded; it's also only a few blocks away from the 54C's route, and features video offerings as well.
24. Match the food with the joint:
25. Didn't know? It's a blue-throated macaw. It and hundreds more winged creatures await your visit at the National Aviary, at the end of the 54C's route on the North Side. There's more to Pittsburgh's avian scene than pigeons and the Pirate Parrot.
26. False. The factory made individual serving-size packets through the 1990s, but now mostly makes private-label soups.
27. We should hardly have to tell you that the answer is J, all of the above.