The 12 male contenders tackled '60s night with mixed results:
* First up, David H. turned in a disco version of "Midnight Hour." That growling thing he does is gonna get old fast.
* I liked Chikezie's mellow R&B vibe, though he didn't do "I Love You More Today Than Yesterday" any favors. Cheap, tacky orange suit left me breathless -- even the Pips couldn't rock that color. Judge Simon Cowell cared so little that without missing a beat he called Chikezie "Jacuzzi."
* David C. tried to rawk a Turtles tune, "So Happy Together." Bad. And stop waving the mic stand around; it looks stupid.
* Jason Y. beamed through "Moon River." Wow, I haven't seen anybody go so big-toothy-smile through am easy-listening fave since they cancelled the various Osmond family shows back in the '70s.
* Robbie -- This season's trying-too-hard "rocker." The perfectly folded and centered head bandana is one big giveaway he takes his cues from TV, not life. Picking a Three Dog Night song is another.
* David A. -- Absolutely adorable youngster; the perfect winning combination of confident while performing and a blushing shy puppy when being interviewed. Will go far, if Paula doesn't eat him first.
* Danny -- Did a high school musical version of "Jailhouse Rock." Loved the skintight, stove-pipe pants, but recoiled when the young'un laughed like Paul Lynde.
* Luke -- "Everybody's Talking" about how boring you were. Should go early, but might squeak by on cute-boy points.
* Colton. Blond musical-theater elf tore through "Suspicious Minds" like the world's happiest trained seal. Will last weeks on looks alone.
* Garrett -- Another of the teen cuties, with a throwback 1970s glam-rock 'do. He pined through "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do," but all I saw were his magnificent cheekbones and limpid eyes. Like Colton, should survive for weeks on zillions of votes from smitten tweens.
* Jason C. -- Worst. Hair. Ever. Too bad American Idol doesn't have a make-over night like America's Next Top Model; then some sensible person would step in to chop off those hideous white dreads. But -- he did do the best makeover on a cheesy '60s song, taking a lot of the annoying cute-folk out of The Lovin' Spoonful's "Daydream."
* Michael. The Australian guy who looks 35 -- another unlikely American Idol winner? Still, the producers knew he was good, so they rigged him to go last. After watching him howl and strut through The Doors, I wondered why the dude wasn't on that find-INXS-a-new-lead-singer show; he'd have been a shoe-in.
My predictions for first-round of bus tickets back to nowhere: Chikezie, Jason and Luke.
Best bit of Simon wisdom: "No one's ever going to admit to being forgettable."